十种青春期前的变化
It feels a bit cliche to speak about the horrible, negative years of middle school. Every adult can likely draw up memories that bring a shudder, a groan, or a quick change of subject. 当然，也有其他一些电影让人发笑, 但这些往往是以别人的利益为代价的. 作为父母, these memories can cause us to look with dread upon our children who are approaching their teen years, as if we are projecting our bad experiences onto them and anticipating the worst of all possible scenarios.
Why are these years so difficult for us as humans to progress through? I’ll suggest 10 things that parents can expect from in the form of changes (and one bonus) – these were the first 10 things that came to mind when I was presented with this topic to write about. 它们没有特别的顺序, and you will notice that there is a bit of interplay and overlap between the changes that are listed:
10. 身体尺寸，不成比例地增加. 青春期前和青少年早期有着惊人的成长. Sometimes I feel like I can sit at the back of a classroom and actually see the growth happening! You may find yourself buying new pants for your child just a few months after buying the last pair because the old ones are now 4 inches 太 short. 这些身体上的突飞猛进也伴随着笨拙. 事情似乎不成比例和错位, but all things are working together to get to that final adult stage.
9. 萨斯. 是的, there is a bit of sass that comes along with the hormone bath that pre-teens are experiencing, 即使是你礼貌的孩子. It’s hard to keep it in mind, but they don’t always realize they are being rude. Of course, sometimes they do, and they need to be corrected for that.
8. 对独立的渴望. Children at this stage are beginning to view themselves as independent people. A desire for their peers to like them and for your child to feel a sense of belonging to their peer group is a big motivator for the behavior choices they make.
7. 需要你默默的支持. 你的孩子会开始不想在学校见到你, 但他们确实想知道你会支持他们. They don’t necessarily want you to step in and solve their problems, but they do want to know that you hear and understand the troubles they are seeing. 作为家长, 这是一个微妙的平衡, and it can be difficult to resist stepping in when you can foresee the major blunder coming.
6. 安静地渴望得到肯定. 即使你的孩子表现得像他们的同龄人更重要, 他们仍然暗自渴望被你了解和爱. 他们有时会认为你的爱是理所当然的, 但这对他们来说是一个安全的地方, 他们不仅想要熟悉的东西, 但他们也需要.
5. 好恶的变化. 随着他们的独立和自我意识的发展, 青春期前的孩子也会经历许多自我迭代, liking what they hated last week or hating what was the latest trend the month before. Many times this is dependent on the latest trend/fad/craze and what the peer group thinks is cool (lit, bussin”, 或潮湿的). 这可能让人觉得很疯狂, they are working through their own self identity and discovering the way God has made them.
4. 注意异性. This will happen to various degrees and at various times to different pre-teens, but it inevitably comes (which is why it is vitally important for you to have biblically based conversations with your children before they get to this stage!). 他们会有喜欢的人来来去去, and to them it will feel like the world is ending (it happened to us, 太!). It’s likely that most will not want to share this with you, but the signs will be obvious.
3. 对更广阔世界的认识. 学生 at this age begin to recognize that the world is way bigger than the little corner of it that we occupy. 他们将培养抽象思考的能力, and will make many connections between what is local and what is global. It is a prime time to nurture this understanding in the context of global missions and the world around them, 看到世界各地的基督徒如何侍奉和敬拜上帝, 又有多少人会因此受到迫害.
2. 质疑一切. 读到这里的一些人刚刚喊出了阿门! 青春期前和青少年开始质疑一切, challenging the way things are and the reasons for how we choose to do things.
1. 无知的挑衅*. Along with their developing sense of a broader world comes an attitude that communicates, “我知道这个, 比你更重要.“十几岁前和十几岁早期的青少年很自信他们知道, 他们相信他们知道的比你多.
奖金 – This list wouldn’t be complete without mentioning that major blunders accompany this stage as well. With all the changes and experimenting that pre-teens and teens deal with, 他们将不可避免地经历许多失败. 这些都没问题! 是他们自身成长的一部分.
在把这个清单写出来之后, 然后重读一遍, it would be easy to get discouraged about the task of raising children through these years. 我将引用《新葡京app》中的一段话作为结束, one which calls us to seize these developmental years and direct them in our child’s (children’s) lives for God’s purposes and His glory:
“It’s time for us to reject the wholesale cynicism of our culture regarding adolescence. 而不是多年毫无方向和毫无成果的斗争, 这几年是前所未有的机遇. 他们是养育子女的黄金时期, when you begin to reap all the seeds you have sown in your child’s life, when you can help your teenager to internalize truth and prepare him or her for a productive, 作为一个成年人荣耀神的生活.” (p 18)
Finally, as a word of advice, remember that as parents, we are in it for the long game. 每个孩子都会经历青春期, and our goal is to help them do so with a strong faith in God and a relationship with him. We can’t (meaning shouldn’t) step in to fix everything for our children – this creates a dependency in them that they will carry through their adult years. 我们可以与他们同行，给他们提供建议, but then must let them have at it with the decisions they have to make. We can help them see the heart issues behind the struggles they have, 帮助他们学会依靠神来恢复和改变他们. This will in turn help them to develop the wisdom and convictions to mature into adulthood with their faith intact.
*Thanks to 高中 Principal Dan Cirone for helping label this trait.
